Why I Am Still Alive: Faith, Resilience, the Secret Societies and US Surveillance Cult's Purposeful False Christianity and Attempt to Destroy Souls, My Refusal to Be Broken
Introduction: Who I Am and What I Am Experiencing
I am a targeted individual. I am under unlawful, hidden surveillance — 24 hours a day, 7 days a week — by a network of people operating within and alongside US military, intelligence, corporate, academic, elite old families, and research institutions. They use technologies I can only describe as voice-to-skull, remote biometric monitoring, astral projection methods, telehaptics, dream manipulation, image and thought extraction and prediction, direct energy weapons, and other capabilities I do not fully understand but have endured for years.
The harassment started during the COVID-19 years while I was still in Montreal, Canada — before going to New York City. They found something interesting in my brainwave patterns, my unique "brain print," and decided I was worth targeting. I initially thought I would die from the stress, or from the death of my dignity or personhood, but I did not — because I did not want to leave my parents and my friends. I was afraid of death and wanted to make my life more worthwhile. Likewise, I wanted to know the entire extent of what was going on. We as humans are much more resilient and adaptable in most unforeseen circumstances.
But to have faith and Jesus Christ with us, regardless of what challenge occurs, is the greatest gift of grace from God.
I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ as my Messiah, my Lord, and my Savior. I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe that God knows my heart better than any surveillance system ever could.
I am also a Canadian. I am of Chinese ethnicity. I am childless by circumstance and by choice — but more on that later. I cherish my parents, my family, and my friends. I go to university. I try to live with integrity, even though I have made mistakes in my past.
This is my testimony. I write it not for revenge, not for attention, not out of hatred — but because the truth needs to be documented, and because I still believe that light exposes darkness.
The Core Accusations They Make Against Me — And the Root They Claim Justifies Everything
They have built a case against me based on several things from my past. They use these memories as a "root" to justify their harassment, trying to make me ruminate on such memories (some real, some false), along with vulgar insults, bullying, and unpleasant sensory experiences. They claim this justifies sending more harmful spiritual influences, ritual harassment, and Baal Peor-inspired traumas against me and my parents.
The age-12 accusation: They claim that when I was around 12 years old, I did something involving a baby (I have been honest about what I did in an earlier blog). However, they are trying to worsen the actual memory by making it more inappropriate than it was. I have searched my memory in good faith, before God. I do not remember it the way they describe. I do not believe I did what they claim. But they have decided it happened, and from that single unverified and exaggerated accusation, they have built an entire narrative that I am someone who harms very young children and a baal worshipper — which is a complete lie. Through their barbaric logic, they use this as the foundational "root" to do all the other harm to me and my parents: the false accusations, the ritual harassment, the attempts to dull and ruin my mind and clarity of thought, the intentional false teachings about Jesus Christ they send my way to confuse me about the truth of the gospel, as well as attempts to distort my perception of motherhood and infants.
The dream they influenced: They also sometimes manipulate my dreams. Once, when I was dreaming, without conscious thought on my part, I dreamed that I was caring for a baby in a way that they later twisted and misrepresented. Because of this — something they themselves influenced — they accuse me of being deviant and "one of them" (said by one of the alleged predators in the group who I believe is currently still a satanist). This is a complete distortion and lie. They manipulated my unconscious mind and then blamed me for the result, trying to test me in my dreams to see if I share their harmful fixations, while making me ruminate on these disturbing thoughts constantly.
My past curiosity about disturbing content throughout my teenage years:
In early high school, I read Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, which made me curious about the internet, replicating the curious minds of many of the characters in the book, who were interested in science, hacking, forbidden news, and more. To be clear: I did not want to watch or seek out illegal content for enjoyment purposes. From my perspective, I was naive, thoughtless, and driven by morbid curiosity. I am thankful I found nothing, and that experience taught me to take my own boundaries more seriously. I also regretfully visited 4chan as a teenager and saw some explicit and unnecessary content posted there.
In grade 11, a classmate mentioned 4chan, which made me curious to check it out. Around the same time, I was watching weird theory videos on YouTube and came across the "iceberg theory" of the internet and the dark web. I heard claims that you could buy drugs, hire hitmen, get fake licenses, buy guns, and rumors about something called "red rooms" — which I understood to be very disturbing content.
During those times, there was one stupid, impulsive moment — not because I wanted to see anything illegal for entertainment purposes, but out of a morbid curiosity that such things could truly exist on the open internet — I opened Tor and searched a term related to harmful content involving minors. I was simply wondering what would actually show up if someone searched that. I found nothing. Immediately, I felt ashamed and disturbed by my own curiosity, closed everything, and moved on.
What they do now with this information: These days, they use my past curiosity against me. They project disturbing noises and speak in ways meant to unsettle me, accusing me of hiding excitement — which is a complete lie. They call this "justice."
You hear of instances in which vigilantes throughout the world harass predators or wrongly accused individuals to the point of suicide and death, ruining their lives. This is essentially what is happening to me, among the other evil things they do. At least I can record for you the nuance of the suffering and trauma they wrongfully put me through. What is ironic is that some of these harassers themselves are actual racists, elitists, and pedophiles, who find themselves feeling a particular sense of justice, superiority, and contentment watching me suffer while enduring their presence. They also accuse me of being one of them — complicit in their crimes against humanity — which I completely rebuke in Jesus Christ's name.
My consumption of true crime content: In previous years before and during COVID-19, I watched true crime podcasters and social media influencers who covered disturbing stories. I have always hated violence against children, and I have never sought out content that depicts harm to children.
My past shoplifting and unreturned items: As a child, I stole a small crystal from a holiday bazaar. During primary school, I got a lot of free things from my after school care teachers, and took some stuff that I should have returned. A few times, I borrowed books and did not return them, and also took a folder from a fellow classmate that I did not return. In high school, I stole a pencil sharpener from Sephora at Fairview Mall in Toronto. These were wrong. I have no justification for them. But I have repented. I do not steal anymore. I have learned that integrity matters.
My consumption of true crime content: In previous years, I watched true crime podcasters and social media influencers who covered disturbing stories. I have always hated violence against children, and I have never sought out content that depicts harm to children.
Cheating during COVID-19: During the pandemic, I cheated on some online exams by checking my textbooks and notes when I took an honour pledge. This was wrong. I have repented. I do not cheat anymore.
They use all of these past actions — my curiosity, my mistakes, my teenage stupidity, my one-time shoplifting, my unreturned books, my exam cheating — to claim that I deserve everything they do to me. They say these actions justify the cruelty, the rituals, the harm they claim to do to my parents and me. They say these actions justify surveilling and reading the minds of others in my life and others' lives. They say I am condemned, wretched, damned, and separated from God. They were gleeful, prior to my blog, that they thought they could almost get away with everything.
I feel thankful that, despite anything, God has not taken my family away from me, and has allowed me to live in a good society in Canada. I realize these privileges are real, and God given. I hope you as readers can also have my experiences be a wake-up call to remind you to love your family and friends, repent of your sins, strive towards a more Godly life, love God, and have Faith.
Why Their Logic Is False — And a Comparison to Scientology
What they are doing is remarkably similar to the Scientology auditing process. In Scientology, auditors force individuals to recall past traumas and "sins" — often real or imagined — and then use those memories to make the person feel permanently sinful, indebted, and controlled. They make you believe that you are forever condemned and godless because of bad things you did in the past.
This is the exact opposite of the true gospel of Jesus Christ.
The Bible says: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)
The Bible says: "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)
Scientology — and the cults surveilling me — preach a gospel of permanent shame, eternal debt, and endless auditing. They want you to feel that you can never be clean. That is not Christianity. That is a distortion and an evil variation designed to control and destroy people.
These cults exploit memories to make room for what they call "evil spirits." They use past mistakes as a root to send even worse spiritual attacks. This is the antithesis of the gospel. And they engage in far more harmful behavior than anything their victims have ever done.
My experience of allowing God to heal me and abide with me throughout this harassment — allowing me to be transformed through the Holy Spirit, through genuinely repenting of my sins, abiding with Jesus Christ, and following the gospel through faith in Him, along with genuinely praying to God — is what comforts me and heals me.
The False Accusations They Heap Upon Me
They accuse me of being many terrible things:
A baal worshipper
A human trafficker of my own parents
A liar
A predator, creep, and other deviant labels
A hypocrite
A Nazi
Someone who secretly loves corporate inequality and global exploitation
A creator of harmful content involving children (based on deepfakes they say they make, which I have never seen)
A willing participant in harmful rituals
Someone whose parents are cursed
Someone who worships a random child as an idol
Someone who enjoys violence against women
Someone who deserves to die a humiliating death
None of this is true. I rebuke all their curses, wickedness, and lies in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
I have no interest in harming children. I never have. I do not watch or create harmful content involving children. I have no fantasies about harming anyone. The very thought of abuse of minors makes me have a lot of fear, disgust, and grief.
I do not worship baal. I worship Jesus Christ alone.
I have never trafficked anyone nor would I want to solicitate anyone. I love my parents. I would never harm them intentionally, just as I know they wouldn't do these things to me.
I hate violence against women and children. I have never hurt a child.
The fact that I watched true crime content or was morbidly curious about dark corners of the internet as a teenager does not make me a monster. It makes me a human being who made mistakes and has since repented.
The Psychological Warfare They Inflict: Normal Activities Become Battlegrounds
They try to ruin every normal human activity.
Eating: When I sit down to eat a meal my mother prepares — something simple, made with love — they begin. They call me hurtful names. They project degrading rhetoric into my ears. They laugh. They speak in demeaning, inappropriate tones. All while I am just trying to nourish my body.
Sleeping: In the half-awake, half-asleep state — that vulnerable threshold between consciousness and rest — they try to merge with my mind. They project unwanted body sensations — tingling, discomfort, pushing, unpleasant feelings — when I am trying to sleep and when my mother is trying to sleep.
False accusations against my mother: They accuse my mother of things she has never done — including false accusations of incest. They project noises that are not actually there, making it seem as though she is saying things she is not. This is the cult operators using their technology to create false perceptions. They try to get me or my mother into the wrong state of mind so that we might turn against one another. Some of them call this a "Baal sacrifice." They label it with Pentagon and Hollywood symbolism for their own amusement. Some even hope I will die a humiliating death — and their technology allows them to make me feel threatened.
Praying: When I try to pray, they mock me. They say I am not a real Christian. They try to make me hate Jesus Christ.
Living: They tell me I was supposed to help them — supposed to help the antichrist — and that I have failed my "purpose" in their system. This is their delusion, not my betrayal.
God Is the Judge — Not Them
Does any of this — reading a somewhat dark novel, being curious about the dark web as a teenager, watching a documentary, visiting 4chan, watching true crime content — justify being treated this way? Does it justify doing these things to my parents as well? Does it justify being constantly harassed, cursed at, made to feel guilty and wretched and criminal, while they engage in far worse behavior?
It is inhumane.
Perhaps from an outsider's perspective who does not experience this, it might seem unbelievable. "Tough luck," someone might say. "Look at the blessings and privilege you have. You shouldn't feel too bad."
But this can happen to anyone. It is gross and unnecessary, the harm they put me through. Most people in my generation could have, without much thought, engaged with similar social media and weird internet content. That does not make them monsters. That makes them human.
Likewise, the insidious thing is that the people behind my abuse are able to surveil most people throughout the world, given their military, corporate, and research connections — which could imply satellite-type capabilities. This is concerning, because no matter how much we value our own sense of privacy, they could secretly be surveilling and targeting us, completely without our knowledge. The lack of privacy and true invasion of space — physically, mentally, and in terms of consciousness — is being developed through this technology. Despite how difficult it may be to believe this technology exists, you do not need to worry about it taking over your mind. That is what some of these researchers seem to be figuring out — hence the unethical projects they are doing to me.
Despite their ability to read thoughts and project thoughts and images, you still have free will. You can choose not to listen to them. You can choose to believe in God and Jesus Christ. You can hold onto your own values. You can maintain agency of action. They are just an external force projecting into your inner bodily and mind spaces — like an external voice. You can ignore them. You can replace their curses and harassment with reading the Bible and following the voice of God instead.
Let me be clear: They are not God. They do not get to be the judge. Only God is the judge.
No amount of surveillance technology, biometric data, or self-righteous justification gives them the authority to condemn another human being's soul. They can call me a liar. They can call me cursed. They can say I deserve hell. But they are not the ones sitting on the judgment seat. God is. And God knows the truth.
A Reflection on Children, Family, and the Grace of Celibacy
Before all of this happened — before the harassment, before the surveillance, before I knew that such technologies even existed — I thought it would be amazing to eventually become a mother once I was in my thirties and had established a career. I imagined raising children to be healthy, sane, law-abiding, compassionate adults in society. Even better if we could worship Jesus Christ together as a family.
That was a reasonable dream. Not extravagant. Not unrealistic. Just a quiet hope for a normal, decent future.
Then the surveillance began. And I came to understand that even if I still wanted children, I could not — in good conscience — bring a child into this situation. Not with people who project voices into my mind. Not with people who mock my mother. Not with people who would almost certainly find a way to exploit or harm any child I might have.
That realization was not devastating. It was practical. It was a calculation based on reality.
I do feel genuine empathy, care, and love toward parents and their children — especially during these times in society. Times are unpredictable. Parents truly love their children, and children love their parents in return. It is extremely upsetting and scary to not feel safe during this era. I sometimes behave apathetically toward these US-based surveillors, which may make them think I am callous or heartless. But I know my own heart: it would be broken if I were a parent with children right now, knowing what I know, given how unpredictable things are. There is only God there to comfort us and provide us faith, protection, and light.
So, for me, I have come to see the grace in being celibate and childless — not as a punishment, not as an emotional loss to grieve endlessly, but as a practical protection. Because I do not have children, these people cannot harm my children. Because I am celibate, they cannot use a partner or spouse as leverage against me. Because I am childless by circumstance and by choice, I am free to document, to testify, to pray, and to endure without the terror of watching my own children suffer.
I would rather be the one who suffers this unique way — documenting it so that others can learn to be thankful for what they have, to repent of their sins, to turn from their old ways, to cherish their families and their privacy, and to abide in Jesus Christ.
To be clear: I am not against parenthood or people becoming parents during today's day and age. That is ideally a choice of free will the parents make. But for me — in my situation, with what I know and what I have endured — this path makes moral and practical sense.
The One Major Test: Love for My Mother
The one major test they are trying to sow is whether I have love for my mother. They put me through these Baal Peor-inspired harassment episodes — along with unwanted body sensations, unpleasant feelings, false accusations, and projected noises — trying to get me to turn against her.
They want to see if they can break the bond between a daughter and her mother.
They have not succeeded. I love my mother. I will always love my mother. And I rebuke their attempts to destroy that love in the name of Jesus Christ.
A Call to Investigators, Journalists, and People of Conscience
If you have the ability to investigate these matters — if you work in intelligence oversight, journalism, religious institutions, human rights organizations, or law enforcement — please take this seriously.
These people are using technology to psychologically torture civilians. They are engaging in what appears to be human trafficking, ritual abuse, and systematic dehumanization of targeted individuals. They justify their crimes because a teenager once browsed 4chan or watched disturbing documentaries.
That is not justice. That is evil.
Please investigate. Please do not dismiss me as crazy. Please look at the evidence that can be gathered.
A Message of Hope for Others
If you are reading this and you have made mistakes in your past — stupid, embarrassing, shameful mistakes — do not let anyone tell you that you are irredeemable.
Not the surveillancers. Not the cults. Not your own inner critic.
Repent. Turn away from what is wrong. Believe in Jesus Christ. And walk forward.
That is the gospel. That is the truth that they hate. That is the message they try to silence.
But I will not be silenced. And neither should you.
Final Declaration of This Post
I do not need to prove my innocence to them. God knows my heart. That is enough.
I do not need to collapse to prove I am suffering. My endurance is not their victory.
I will keep living. Keep documenting. Keep loving my parents and my real friends. Keep going to university. Keep praying.
And I will keep believing that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior — no matter what they say.
Praise God. Rebuke their lies. Rebuke their psychological abuse. Rebuke their intentional false teachings meant to lead me and others astray from God and Jesus Christ.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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