On Why Faith Matters in the Face of Such Evil

 

I have revealed what some of these US surveillance elite operators do. I have documented their tactics, their lies, their rituals. I have shown how they try to redirect anger, how they try to claim you as one of them, how they try to redefine who you are. I have confessed the ugly thoughts they provoked in me, and I have repented.

Now I want to say why I am still here. Why I have not broken. Why I have not become what they want me to become.

A Necessary Clarification

I need to be clear about something. Not all of these operators treat everyone this way. They treat me brutally and wickedly. But this is calculated. Their treatment of me is not how they treat everyone. It is not how they treat most people. It is targeted. It is specific. It is designed to achieve particular outcomes.

Their goal is to make me go insane. Or to make me look insane. Or to provoke me into doing something terrible while others think I am delusional, hateful, a conspiracy theorist. They want to taint my world, make it scary and dark, while they go on living extremely happy, surface-level normal lives. They want to discredit me. They want to make sure that when I speak, people dismiss me.

This is calculated. It is not random cruelty. It is strategic.

The Omelas Reference

They have referenced me as the child from Ursula K. Le Guin's story The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas. In that story, a city lives in perfect happiness and prosperity because one child is kept in misery, locked away, tormented. Everyone knows the child is there. Most accept it as the price of their happiness. Some walk away.

They see me as that child. They see themselves as the citizens of Omelas—enjoying their lives, their power, their normalcy, while I am kept in misery. They want me to be the one who suffers so that they can feel justified. They want me to be the example. They want to be able to say: "See? She is the problem. She is the one who is unstable. She is the one who deserves what she gets."

This is not an accident. They know what they are doing. They have referenced this story to me. They have made the comparison. They see me as the sacrificial child, the one whose suffering allows others to live in comfort.

What This Means

This means that their behavior toward me is not extrapolated to everyone. It does not mean they treat all people this way. It means they are capable of this. It means they have chosen to do this to me. It means they have a target, and I am it.

This does not take away from my experiences. It does not make what they do less real. It does not make me less of a victim. It means their cruelty is strategic, calculated, aimed at a specific person for specific reasons.

And because I am that person, I need to reveal what they are capable of doing. I need to document it. I need to make sure that others know that this exists that there are people who will target a single individual with this level of calculated cruelty while going on living their normal lives.

The Only Way I Feel Safe

I am a Christian. I worship Yahweh. I follow Jesus Christ. This is not a performance. It is not a cover. It is the truth of who I am.

This is the only way I feel safe. Because if I did not have this, if I did not have faith in a God who is good, who is just, who sees what is done in secret, I would have no anchor. I would be adrift. I would be consumed.

These operators want me to be consumed. They want me to despair. They want me to become like them. They want me to end my life and be lost.

I will not. I belong to Jesus Christ.

What I Know

I know that these operators exist. I know that they have technology, that they have rituals, that they have occult knowledge. I know that they are connected to secret societies, to militaries, to universities, to research institutions. I know that they are powerful in worldly terms.

I also know that their power is not ultimate. They are not gods. They are not judges. They are not saviors. They are abusers who have confused their own perversions with spiritual authority.

I know that God is good. I know that God is just. I know that God sees what they do. I know that God will judge them. I know that God has sustained me through all of this.

What I Want You to Know

I want you to know that this is real. These operators exist. They do what I have documented. They are not a conspiracy theory. They are not a fantasy. They are real, and they are capable of great cruelty.

I also want you to know that you can survive. You can hold onto your faith. You can refuse to become what they want you to become.

Do not let them make you complicit. Do not let them make you apathetic. Do not let them make you forget what is true.

What I Encourage

I encourage you to turn to God. Turn away from harmful ways. Repent. Do not worship what is false. Put your faith in the Heavenly Father, in Jehovah, in Yahweh, in Jesus Christ. Read the Bible. Pray. Seek goodness. Seek truth.

This is how I have survived. This is how I have healed. This is how I continue to heal.

A Note on Grace

These operators mock me. They say I have fallen. They say I have dropped from grace. They think my confession proves I am one of them, that I am no longer a Christian.

They are wrong. Grace is not about never having ugly thoughts. Grace is about confessing them, repenting of them, and being cleansed. Grace is about getting back up. Grace is about being held by God even when you stumble.

I have stumbled. I have had ugly thoughts. I have imagined violence. I have been angry. I have been vulgar. I have not been perfect. I have not been a perfect victim, a perfect Christian, a perfect person.

But I am still here. I am still confessing. I am still repenting. I am still holding onto Jesus. That is not falling from grace. That is what grace looks like.

A Final Word

These operators want me to believe that my worst moments define me. They want me to believe that my ugly thoughts prove I am like them. They want me to believe that I have fallen and cannot get back up.

They are wrong. My worst moments do not define me. My ugly thoughts do not make me like them. I have not fallen beyond the reach of grace. I am still standing. I am still fighting. I am still holding onto Jesus.

And I will keep holding on. For as long as it takes. For the rest of my life.

My Prayer

Lord Jesus Christ, I thank You for Your grace. I thank You for holding me when I stumble. I thank You for cleansing me when I confess. I thank You for not letting me go.

Protect me from those who want me to believe I have fallen. Protect me from those who want me to believe I am one of them. Protect me from those who want me to despair.

Keep me standing. Keep me fighting. Keep me holding onto You.

I bless all who read this. May they know that grace is not about being perfect. Grace is about being held when you fall. May they hold onto You. May they never let go.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

References & Notes

  • John 8:32  "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

  • Romans 12:2  "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

  • Isaiah 54:17  "No weapon that is formed against you will succeed."

  • Psalm 139:14  "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

  • John 14:6  "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

  • Ephesians 6:12   "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

  • 1 John 1:9  "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

  • Proverbs 24:16  "For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity."

  • Le Guin, U.K. (1973)  The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas: a story about a utopian city whose happiness depends on the misery of a single child. The operators have referenced this story in relation to me, casting themselves as the citizens of Omelas and me as the child whose suffering enables their normalcy.

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