A Note on Moving Forward: On Quality, Focus, and Refocusing on Life

 

 Warning: This post discusses the author's intentions to revise existing content and shift focus toward healing and living well.

A Statement of Intent

I have been documenting my experiences with organized harassment for some time. The purpose has been to create a record, to reveal patterns, and to seek help from professionals who can address what is being done.

I have come to a point where I need to step back and reassess. This is not because the abuse has stopped. It is because I recognize that continuing in the same mode indefinitely is not sustainable. It is also not what I want for my life.

On Cleaning Up Existing Posts

I plan to revise my existing posts. Some of them contain content that is triggering, explicit, or written in moments of distress. I want to make them less triggering. I want to make them higher quality. I want them to be documents that professionals can take seriously, not materials that will be used to dismiss me.

The surveillance operators want me to write things that are overly explicit, inappropriate, and distressing. They want me to get flagged. They want me to be seen as problematic. They want my documentation to be dismissed as the ramblings of someone unstable.

I am not going to give them that satisfaction. I will clean up my posts. I will make them more focused, more professional, more useful for the people who actually need to see them.

On Not Giving Them New Material

Some of the operators have indicated that they will try to introduce new abusive things for me to write about. They want to keep me trapped in a cycle of documenting their cruelty. They want to keep me focused on them.

I see this now. It is a waste of time. It is repetitive. It is wicked. It is triggering. It is designed to keep me stuck, to keep me from moving forward with my life.

I am not going to play that game. I am not going to give them new material. I am not going to spend my time documenting every new tactic they try. I have documented enough. The patterns are clear. The record is there.

On What I Will Focus On Instead

I plan to focus on my actual life. This includes:

  • My education. I have worked hard to continue my studies. I will keep going.

  • My church life. I have a community of faith that sustains me. I will be present there.

  • Reading. Good nonfiction. Good fiction. Things that nourish the mind and the spirit.

  • Exercise. Taking care of my body. Moving. Being well.

  • Friends. Spending time with people I love. Being present. Being human.

  • Seeking help. Continuing to work with legal professionals, human rights organizations, and others who can actually address what is being done.

These are the things that matter. These are the things that will sustain me. These are the things that will help me heal.

On What the Operators Want

The operators enjoy me spending too much time on this. They want me stuck in the cycle of documenting their abuse. They want me to be consumed by it. They want me to lose my life to it.

I am not going to let that happen. I have a life to live. I have people who love me. I have things I want to do. I have a future.

They can do what they want. I am not going to give them my attention. I am not going to give them my time. I am not going to let them steal my life.

On Quality Over Quantity

I will continue to document. But I will do it with more care. I will write fewer posts. I will make them higher quality. I will make them more focused. I will make them something that can actually help people, not something that can be used against me.

The surveillance operators want me to be messy, scattered, reactive. I will not be. I will be deliberate. I will be measured. I will be strategic.

On Healing and Moving Forward

I am healing. I am getting better. I am not where I was when this started. I am stronger. I am clearer. I am more grounded.

I plan to keep moving in that direction. I plan to keep healing. I plan to keep living. I plan to keep loving the people who love me. I plan to keep worshipping God. I plan to keep being the person I am, not the person they want me to be.

A Blessing

I bless everyone who has read this far. I bless everyone who has taken the time to understand. I bless everyone who has been targeted by similar abuse. I bless everyone who is trying to heal, trying to move forward, trying to live.

May you find peace. May you find clarity. May you find the strength to let go of what does not serve you. May you find the courage to focus on what matters.

And may you know that you are not defined by what has been done to you. You are defined by who you are becoming.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

References & Notes

On the Importance of Focus and Healing

Research on trauma recovery emphasizes the importance of shifting focus from the abuse itself to the rebuilding of life. This includes reconnecting with meaningful activities, relationships, and personal goals (Herman, J. (1992). Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books; Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Viking).

On Not Feeding the Cycle

Abusers often seek to keep victims trapped in a cycle of reaction and documentation. Shifting focus away from the abuser and toward one's own life is a documented strategy for reclaiming autonomy (Stark, E. (2007). Coercive Control. Oxford University Press).

Biblical References

  • Philippians 4:8   "Whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, think about these things."

  • Psalm 27:1  "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?"

  • Isaiah 54:17  "No weapon that is formed against you shall succeed."

  • Psalm 34:17-18  "The Lord hears the cry of the righteous and is near to the brokenhearted."

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