On Purity, Sainthood, and Moving Forward

  

On Feeling Tainted and Beyond Saving

The operators try to make me feel tainted. They bombard me with filth. They project their own perversions onto me. They want me to believe that I am corrupted, that I am beyond redemption, that I might as well give up and become what they want me to be.

Who Decides Who You Are

Only God has the authority to define a person. Only God can look at a life and say what it is, what it has been, what it can become.

The operators are not God. They are not judges. They are not prophets. They are abusers who have confused their own cruelty with moral authority. Their labels mean nothing. Their verdicts carry no weight.

God, on the other hand, sees everything. He sees what they have done to me. He sees what I have done. He sees what I have not done. And He is the one who determines who I am, not them.

What God Offers

God offers salvation. Not conditional salvation, not provisional salvation, not salvation that depends on being clean enough or good enough. Salvation that comes through grace. Salvation that comes through Jesus Christ.

He offers cleansing. He can take the filth they have tried to implant and wash it away. He can take the shame I carry and lift it. He can take the things I regret, the things I did, the things I saw, the things I said, and set them aside.

He offers rebirth. He can make something new out of what they have tried to destroy. He can take a person who has been broken and remake her. He can take a life that has been pushed to the edge and pull it back.

He offers sanctification. He can set a person apart for something better than what she has known. He can guide her steps, shape her character, lead her toward something good.

None of this depends on being perfect. None of this depends on having a clean past. None of this depends on being the kind of person who never made mistakes.

Do Not Take Grace for Granted

Grace is not something to assume. It is not a license to do whatever you want. It is not a guarantee that you can sin now and repent later.

But it is also not something to despair over. It is not something you can lose because you feel too dirty. It is not something that runs out because you have made too many mistakes.

God's grace is sufficient. It covers what you have done. It covers what has been done to you. It covers the parts of your life you wish had never happened. It covers the parts of your life you are ashamed of.

Do not take that for granted. Do not assume it will always be there no matter what you do. But also do not assume that you are beyond it. Do not assume that their labels, their filth, their projections have made you unreachable.

They have not. You are not beyond saving. You are not beyond redemption. You are not too dirty, too broken, too far gone.

What This Means for Me

I am not what they say I am. I am not their label. I am not their projection. I am a person who has made mistakes, who has regrets, who has been through things that should have broken her. And I am a person who has been saved, cleansed, reborn by the grace of God through Jesus Christ.

They want me to believe I am tainted beyond repair. I do not believe them. I believe God.

On Feeling Tainted

I was exposed to things I should not have seen. I browsed spaces I should not have visited. I have regrets. I have shame. I have moments I wish I could take back.

But being exposed to darkness does not make you dark. Being forced to see filth does not make you filthy. The operators want me to believe that their projections are mine. They are not.

It is not a virtue to be capable of knowing disgusting things. It is not maturity to be familiar with perversion. True virtue is something else: choosing what is good, turning away from what is harmful, living in a way that aligns with what is true.

On Purity and Redemption

The Bible speaks of purity not as naivety, but as integrity. It speaks of being "crushed in spirit" not as weakness, but as the condition of those who are near to God.

If you feel tainted by things you were exposed to in the past, you do not need to stay there. You do not need to feel hateful or jealous or guilty perpetually. You can start now. You can turn from your sins. You can stop watching the things you once watched. You can choose a different path.

Others, at this point, do not give you a second thought. They are not obsessed with your interests. You do not need to feel voyeuristic or excited about being "special" for knowing dark things. No one is paying that much attention. You are free to let it go.

On What Others Think

The operators call me a "psycho wuss." They want me to do reckless things to prove I am not afraid. This is a trap.

Being lawless, doing stupid criminal things, acting recklessly, that is not bravery. That is stupidity. True courage is different. It is enduring. It is refusing to become what they want you to be. It is holding onto your integrity even when they try to destroy it.

Jesus said: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." He said: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." He said: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."

He did not say: blessed are the reckless. He did not say: blessed are those who prove themselves by doing stupid things. He said blessed are the crushed in spirit, the ones who have been broken but not destroyed.

Do not let manipulative, opportunistic creeps from all walks of life call you a wuss and then do something stupid to prove them wrong. They are not worth it.

On My Own Choices

I made a decision years ago not to have children. I am glad for this. At least this way, I do not have to worry about passing on any of this wretchedness. I do not have to fear that my children would be used as weapons against me. I am grateful for that autonomy.

Whatever perversions they accuse me of, whatever filth they project onto me, I know who I am. I know what I have done and what I have not done. I know my choices.

They want me to feel like I am trapped in the past. I am not. I am moving forward.

References & Notes

On Purity and Redemption

  • Psalm 34:18  "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."

  • Matthew 5:3-4   "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

  • 2 Corinthians 5:17  "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."

  • Isaiah 1:18   "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."

  • Philippians 3:13-14  "Forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal."

On Bravery and Recklessness

  • Proverbs 14:16  "One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless."

  • Proverbs 22:3  "The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it."

  • Ecclesiastes 7:17  "Do not be excessively wicked and do not be a fool. Why should you die before your time?"

On Not Being Defined by the Past

  • Isaiah 43:18–19   "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?"

  • Romans 8:1  "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

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