March 21, Part 8: What I Believe and Stand For: Humility, Truth-Telling, and a Forgiving Heart

  I believe in having a forgiving, merciful heart. I believe in blessing others, even those who have harmed me. I believe in listening to your conscience and being a decent person. I believe in being a truth-teller, even when truth-telling puts a target on your back.

I believe in recording your own understanding and perspective rather than letting others, especially those who hide and act unlawfully, write your story for you.

The surveillance people try to write me as: neurodivergent, witchy, bitchy, perverse, demonic, a freak, a sadist, war monger, among other false accusations. All because I call them out. I think their accusations are rooted in their own projections, and also in my ability to dissociate, to treat this as an ethnography, to document rather than react. My ability to remain somewhat detached does not make their lies true.

My Limitations and Humility

I want to be completely transparent about who I am: I am a sinner who needs faith and the mercy of Jesus Christ, just like anyone else. I am, by all means, quite mediocre and average. I have no special status or exceptional abilities. Many people have experienced far more injustice than I have due to systemic inequities. They are equally important as I am, but the world has been unfair to them in ways I have not experienced.

I am fully aware that many who read this will pay no attention. Some will mock. Some will hate. Some will be lukewarm, apathetic, dismissive. Some will think I am delusional. All of these reactions are possible, and I accept that.

But I still believe it is important to share my thoughts and experiences. Not because I think I am special, but because silence benefits those who exploit and hide. My story, however ordinary I may be, is still mine to tell.

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