March 20: On trauma episodes, and the decision to be childless

 The individuals I perceive to be behind these surveillance and harassment experiences continue to engage in deeply disturbing and inappropriate behaviour. They often make intrusive and perverse remarks, as if deliberately trying to communicate explicit acts while I am simply going about my daily life. They also reference ideas such as “Project Monarch” and, at times, imitate infantilized behaviours in ways that I find especially unsettling and inappropriate.

These behaviours are not only intrusive and degrading, but also create a constant sense of discomfort and lack of safety. There are recurring themes in what they communicate, including accusations about “taking the mark of the beast” (666), along with what feels like an effort to provoke negative, fearful, or harmful thoughts. It often seems as though they are trying to push me into states of emotional distress, like fear, anger, sadness, or confusion, at which point the technological harassment appears to intensify.

During these moments, I may experience sudden intrusive sensations, disturbing imagery, and continued verbal harassment. These episodes resemble an induced trauma response, as though the goal is to overwhelm me emotionally and psychologically. From my perspective, this pattern appears deliberate: alternating between calmer periods and episodes of heightened distress, possibly to create a form of psychological conditioning or forced attachment.

I interpret this as a broader pattern of manipulation, something that could be described as “love bombing” followed by intense psychological and sensory disturbance. In my understanding, the intention is to destabilize a person spiritually and emotionally, distancing them from their values, their faith, and their sense of self. I also view it as a form of cult-like abuse, designed to create intense memories in hopes of producing what some would call “trauma bonding.” That is the last thing I would ever want with such individuals, and I say that honestly before Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour.

Even within all of this, there remains a persistent effort to provoke fear, doubt, and confusion in the present moment, similar to how fear about the future can diminish a person’s sense of freedom in the present. Despite this, I continue to believe that people are meant to live with freedom, dignity, and clarity.

What makes this especially difficult in my situation is the persistent and invasive nature of these experiences, which can feel almost constant and difficult to escape. At the same time, I do believe that my faith provides a form of protection and grounding that helps me endure, filter, and manage what I am experiencing.

Because of everything I am experiencing, I have made an absolute decision not to have children. Given these circumstances, I believe it would be unethical to bring a child into a situation where I could not fully guarantee their safety, privacy, and well-being. This is not a decision I take lightly. It is one I hold with conviction, and I publicly affirm my intention to remain childless. In my view, this is the most responsible and ethical choice available to me under these conditions.

More broadly, I believe it is important to reflect on the values that shape society. There are serious concerns that some individuals in positions of power may prioritize control, status, or material interests over the well-being of future generations. This can contribute to environments in which people become disconnected from deeper meaning, including faith, purpose, and moral responsibility.

For me, the central message is the importance of faith, reflection, and striving toward a higher standard of life grounded in integrity and spiritual awareness. I believe that turning toward God, seeking forgiveness, and living with intention can provide strength and clarity regardless of one’s background or circumstances. Faith offers a path toward dignity, peace, and a more grounded way of living.