Before Judging: Acknowledgment of Self, Privilege, and the Reality of Judgment
People are going to judge me based on what I write. That's normal. We all judge, as it's how we make sense of the world. But I also know that the judgments will come with layers I cannot control: my ethnicity, my cultural background, my faith in Jesus Christ, my political leanings (whatever they may be perceived as), my lack of formal credentials, and my appearance.
I expect scrutiny. I expect doubt. I expect some will curse me, dismiss me, or reduce my experiences to something they can easily categorize and discard.
I am writing this post to acknowledge all of that upfront, not to deflect criticism, but to name what is true so we can move forward honestly.
On Privilege
I live in Canada. I was raised in a safe, stable, forward-thinking country with rule of law, freedom of speech, and protections for citizens. I have access to police. I have access to community. I have a university, mentors, a church, and people in my life who support me.
That is privilege. Unchecked, unfair, unearned privilege compared to so many people in the world who endure tyranny, violence, and injustice without any of these protections.
I do not take this for granted.
But here is what makes my situation particularly striking: I am experiencing this organized harassment despite being in one of the safest countries in the world. The people targeting me are not from some distant oppressive regime. By all available evidence, they are privileged individuals from the United States, "elites" with access to technology, resources, and systems of power that should be used for good, not for terrorizing a civilian in another country.
That contradiction is not lost on me. It should not be lost on you either.
If this can happen to someone in Canada. with all the protections, all the privilege, all the community, what does that say about the reach of these actors? What does it say about who they are and what they are doing?
On Identity: Who I Am vs. What They Call Me
My harassers have constructed many false identities for me. They sometimes call me names meant to degrade and to project their own filth onto me:
A "loli", a perverse caricature of innocence corrupted
A "gor-a-war", whatever violence they imagine me to be, linking me to their war activities
A witch, a bore, a pig bowl, a demon, etc.
Someone accused of being what they themselves are
They do this because they need me to become the monster they want to destroy. They project their own sins onto me and then accuse me of those sins. It is a classic tactic of abusers: accuse the victim of what the perpetrator is doing.
None of those names are who I am.
I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I believe I am a sinner saved only by His grace and His precious blood. I believe in repenting of sin, loving God, and loving my neighbour. I believe in peace. I believe in protecting the vulnerable and people from all nations from the very kinds of exploitation my harassers engage in.
I am not a demon. I am not a witch. I am not a threat to children or people in general, online or offline. I am someone who has been targeted by people who are threats to children and communities across the world, and I am documenting it.
On Choosing Good Over Evil
My harassers have a favourite accusation: that I am lying about choosing good over evil. They find it incomprehensible that someone would genuinely choose goodness. They call it a "self-fulfilling prophecy," as if my choosing good is somehow proof that I am secretly evil.
Let me be very clear.
Of course I choose good over evil. Only a mentally ill person, an immature person, or a bitter, worldly person consumed by greed would claim otherwise.
I choose
good because I think about my ancestors, who sacrificed and hoped for
someone like me to carry their legacy forward with dignity.
I choose good because I think about the kind of person I want to be remembered as.
I choose good because I think about the kind of person God wants me to be.
I
choose good because I think about the kind of children I would want to
raise, if I am blessed to have them, and the example I would want to set
for them: good, healthy, happy, faithful, decent, real Christians who
abide by Christ's teachings, love Yahweh, and work as diplomatic
peacemakers in a broken world.
There is no self-fulfilling prophecy except this one: my message that they already tried to destroy me with their technology, and that God resurrected me, miraculously, repeatedly, and led me to document and expose what was done to me.
If that sounds dramatic, I understand. But I am not speaking metaphorically. I have experienced things that should have destroyed me, and I am still here. I am still writing. I am still walking toward truth, toward justice, toward God.
On Being a Christian
Since I mention my faith often, let me be clear about what I mean when I say I am a Christian.
Being a Christian does not mean I am perfect. It does not mean I have never sinned. It means I recognize that I am a sinner who can only be saved through the precious blood of Jesus Christ. It means I love God. It means I strive to love His teachings. It means I repent of my sins and turn away from them, not because I am forced to, but because I genuinely want to be made new.
It means I believe in love that is not perverted. Love that is not violent. Love that does not exploit the vulnerable. Love that does not confuse, oppress, or serve self-interest.
The love of God is pure. The love of the world, the love my harassers practice, is counterfeit. It is exploitation dressed up as power. It is perversion dressed up as freedom. It is cruelty dressed up as justice.
I want no part of that counterfeit love.
What This Means for How You Read Me
If you are reading this, here are the main points I reiterate:
I am judged. You will judge me. That is human. I ask only that you judge what I actually say and do, not the caricatures my harassers have created.
I am a Christian. That shapes everything I write. If that bothers you, I understand. But I will not hide my Faith to make others comfortable.
I am documenting. I am not writing fiction. I am not performing. I am creating a record of real crimes being committed against me, and I am doing so while working with actual authorities.
You are free to doubt me. You are free to criticize me. You are free to move on and never think of me again.
But if you stay, if you read what I write, I ask that you do so with an open mind and a fair heart. And I ask that you remember: the people doing this to me want you to dismiss me. They want you to see me as crazy, as dangerous, as unworthy of belief. Regardless of whatever happens, at least I hope to help some people through the posts I document and the experiences I reveal.
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